What Drains You?

It is an unfortunate part of life that despite our best intentions, there may be people, places, events or things that sap your energy, erode your confidence and paralyse your dreams. You may get a sense that you are not really happy, but are unsure exactly what is preventing you from being happy. Read the statements below and think about the ones that apply to you. This exercise helps to highlight the areas of your life that may be draining you more than you realise:

Work

 • I no longer enjoy my job and have a hard time showing up each day

• My work is stressful and leaves me exhausted at the end of the day

• My desk is a mess, and I have trouble finding what I need

• I am avoiding a confrontation or conflict at work

• I tolerate bad behaviour from a boss or colleague

• I am not computer literate, and it gets in the way of my productivity

• I lack the proper office equipment that I need to do my job well

• My work does not allow me to express my creativity

• I know I need to delegate specific tasks, but am unable to let go of control

• I feel overwhelmed with the amount of information that enters my life in the form of books, magazines and email

• There are courses that I could take which would enhance my performance at work

• I stay in my current job only for the money

• I am fearful about losing my job



Relationships



• There are people in my life who continuously drain my energy

• I have unreturned phone calls, emails, or letter that need to be handled

• I have an unresolved conflict with a family member

• I lack quality friendships in my life

• I feel a void in my life created by the lack of a romantic partner

• There is someone I need to forgive

• There is a relationship I need to end

• There is a phone call I dread making, and it causes me stress and anxiety

• I’m currently involved in a relationship that compromises my values

• I miss being a part of a loving and supportive community

• I feel alone





Environment



• My car is in need of a cleaning and/or repair

• My wardrobe needs updating and/or alterations

• I would like to live in a different geographic location

• I have appliances that need repair or upgrading

• My home is not decorated in a way that nurtures me

• My wardrobes are cluttered and need to be cleaned

• Repairs need to be done around my home or apartment

• My home is cluttered and disorganised

• I miss having more beauty reflected in my environment

• I watch too much television



Body, Mind & Spirit



• I eat food that is not good for me

• I consume to much alcohol

• I load up on caffeine constantly

• Something about my physical appearance bothers me

• I do not get the sleep I need to feel fully rested

• I would like to exercise regularly but never seem to find the time

• I have a health concern for which I have avoided getting help

• I have emotional needs that consistently go unmet

• There are books that I would love to read, but never seem to find the time for

• I need to visit the dentist

• I lack personal interests that are intellectually stimulating

• I lack a spiritual or religious practice in my life



Money



• I have tax returns that are not filed or taxes that are not paid

• I pay my bills late

• I spend more than I earn

• I do not have a plan for my financial future

• My credit rating is not what I would like it to be

• I do not have a regular savings plan

• I do not have adequate insurance coverage

• My mortgage rate is too high, and I need to refinance

• I have debt that needs to be paid off

• I do not have a will or it is not up to date

If your current life does not reflect how you would like to live begin to make small changes and honour the person you would like to become. If you have lots of areas that are draining you ignoring them will only exacerbrate the situation. Seek support and make changes.

9 Habits that Age Us

Many of the habits we adopt have an impact on how fast we age and compromise our health, they include:

1. Stress
2. Smoking
3. Poor Sleep
4. Alcohol
5. Poor Diet
6. Sun Exposure
7. Not exercising
8. Resentment
9. Lack of Joy

All of the above effect not only how quickly our body can age, but also effect our skin. Many of the external decisions you make everyday have a huge effect on how you feel and look. Number 8 is worth a mention, as it has been shown that resentment can eat away at people and lead to a higher incidence of heart disease. So stop resenting others and track what you do want, not what others have or do.

"The way you think, the way you behave, the way you eat, can influence your life by 30 to 50 years."

Deepak Chopra

 Wishing you an ageless and fun filled day. 

Top 10 Unhelpful Thinking Styles

 When a client experiences an unhelpful emotion (eg, depression or anxiety), it is usually accompanied by unhelpful self-statements and thoughts. Often there is a pattern to such thoughts and they are called "unhelpful thinking styles". We often use unhelpful thinking styles as an automatic habit. It is something that happens without us payibg attention to it. However, when a person consistently and constantly uses some of these styles of thinking, they can often cause themselves a great deal of emotional distress. As you read through the following “unhelpful thinking styles”, you might notice some thinking patterns and styles that you use consistently. Some of these styles might sound similar to one another. They are not meant to be distinct categories, but to help you see if there is a kind of pattern to your thoughts.

Top 10 Unhelpful Thinking Styles:

Jumping to Conclusions:
We jump to conclusions when we assume that we know what someone else is thinking  (mind reading) and when we make predictions about what is going to happen in the future (predictive thinking).

Personalisation:
This involves blaming yourself for everything that goes wrong or could go wrong, even when you may only be partly responsible or not responsible at all. You might be taking 100% responsibility for the occurrence of external events.

Catastrophising:
Catastrophising occurs when we “blow things out of proportion“., and we view the situation as terrible, awful, dreadful, and horrible, even though the reality is that the problem itself is quite small.

Black & White Thinking:
This thinking style involves seeing only one extreme or the other. You are either wrong or right, good or bad and so on. There are no inbetweens or shades of gray

Mental Filter:
This thinking styles involves a "filtering in" and "filtering out" process – a sort of "tunnel vision," focusing on only one part of a situation and ignoring the rest. Usually this means looking at the negative parts of a situation and forgetting the positive parts, and the whole picture is coloured by what may be a single negative detail.

Shoulding and Musting:
Sometimes by saying “I should…” or “I must…” you can put unreasonable demands or pressure on yourself and others. Although these statements are not always unhelpful (eg “I should not get drunk and drive home”), they can sometimes create unrealistic expectations.

Overgeneralisation:
When we overgeneralise, we take one instance in the past or present, and impose it on all current or future situations. If we say “You always…” or “Everyone…”, or “I never…” then we are probably overgeneralising.

Labelling:
We label ourselves and others when we make global statements based on behaviour in specific situations. We might use this label even though there are many more examples that aren’t consistent with that label.

Emotional Reasoning:
This thinking style involves basing your view of situations or yourself on the way you are feeling. For example, the only evidence that something bad is going to happen is that you feel like something bad is going to happen.

Magnification and Minimisation:
In this thinking style, you magnify the positive attributes of other people and minimise your own positive attributes. It’s as though you’re explaining away your own positive characteristics.

Becoming aware of the patterns you use can help you minimise the power they have over you.

I'll be happy when.....

1. Happiness is your nature. It is not the fruit of something you do; it is the essence of who you are.

2. Discovering your innate happiness and well-being is the key to creating what you really want in the world around you.

 

 

Here is a great extract from Supercoach Micheal Neil's book: 'You Can Have What You Want' about being happy NOW:

 

Most people’s goals in life are made up of the things they believe will ‘make’ them happy. But as one of my business partners once said to me, ‘If the bottom line is so important, why is at the bottom?’

 

 In other words, if what we really want is happiness, why don’t we start there?

Having now asked this question of thousands of people, the answers generally come down to one of what I consider to be the greatest myth in Western civilization…

 
I’ll be happy when I get what I want.

 

This idea has been with us for thousands of years and is endemic throughout all mythology, ancient and modern – that when you battle with a dragon and win, you get the princess and you live happily ever after. Or if you are the princess, you just need to be patient long enough and someday your prince will come and then you’ll live happily ever after.

 

 In fact, people are often willing to endure great hardship on the way to success because they just know there’s a pot of gold at the end of their rainbow – and they plan on using that pot of gold to buy the feelings of happiness and fulfillment that they really want.

 

 To give yourself a sense of how this myth might be active in your own life, think about three or four ways you could finish this sentence:

I’ll be happy when...

I’ll be happy when I’ve got enough money.

I’ll be happy when I’m in a loving relationship.

I’ll be happy when I get a better job.

I’ll be happy when my boss/co-worker/friend stops being such a jerk.

 

Whatever you’re putting between you and being happy in this very moment is a by-product of the myth of happiness: the idea that when you finally sort out your outer life, your inner life will take care of itself.

 

But the truth beyond the myth is simple yet profound:

 

If you’re doing things in order to be happy,

you’re doing them in the wrong order!

 

When you make happiness your number one priority and allow yourself to follow your ‘happy wanting’, success is not only more likely, attaining it is much more fun.

 

As Albert Schweitzer said:

 

"Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful."

 

 

 

Meditation Increases Your Attention Span

In research inspired by Buddhist monks, a new study has found that meditation can seemingly help increase a person's attention span.

The study included 60 people who had previously attended meditation retreats and were familiar with the practice. The researchers assigned half of the participants to study Buddhist meditation for three months at a retreat in Colorado, while the other half waited their turn and acted as a control group.

At three points during the retreat, participants took a computer test designed to measure their ability to make fine visual distinctions and sustain visual attention. As the meditation retreat progressed, the participants showed improvements in their ability to sustain visual attention. This improvement continued for five months after the retreat had ended, especially among those who continued to meditate every day, the study authors found.

"People may think meditation is something that makes you feel good, and going on a meditation retreat is like going on vacation, and you get to be at peace with yourself. That's what people think until they try it. Then you realize how challenging it is to just sit and observe something without being distracted," study author Katherine MacLean said in an Association for Psychological Science news release.

MacLean conducted the study while a graduate student at the University of California, Davis.
The study findings were published in the June issue of the journal Psychological Science.
More information: The U.S. National Center for Complementary and Alternative Medicine has http://nccam.nih.gov/health/meditation/overview.htm. © 2010 HealthDay

I love this quote, "A free and silent mind is always meditating". Unknown

I know how difficult it can be to find the time and motivation to meditate, but give it a go in the coming days. Just set aside five minutes to sit with yourself and just be.

Would you speak to others the way you speak to yourself?

"Thinking: the talking of the soul within itself." Plato

What do you tell yourself everyday? Is it:

1. kind?
2. true? 
3. helpful?

If it is none of these then become more mindful of the way that you talk to yourself. There is little point in being an enemy with yourself Your mind begins to believe what you tell it, so shower it with love and praise. What resides in you is unique and has great untapped potential.

In my experience working with clients, negative self talk is the number one thing that holds them back. They berate themselves about things that they should or should not have done. Often we paralyse ourselves before we have got off the starting blocks. If you are consumed with self doubt and criticism begin to become aware of the tapes you play over and over in your mind and use the three questions above to determine whether they are useful or not. If they no longer serves you then replace them with positive statements. This takes time, but as they say practice makes perfect.

Unleash The Mighty Toddler Within

We are born with an ability to get all of our needs met, be it a clean nappy, milk, cuddles, comfort, attention etc. As newborns when we became aware of our empty tummy we would wail excessively, prompting our caregiver into action. This is because our survival depended on it. Then as we became toddlers we have a supreme sense of self worth which allows us to engage with the world expecting to get our needs fulfilled. At this age we more often than not get exactly what we desire. To see this in action, watch a toddler decide that they want a certain toy. Very little will prevent them from getting it!

We can learn a lot from the behaviour of children and how we can incorporate some of their determination and focus into our own lives.

You know the drill, you decide that you are sick and tired of the way things have been and make a pact with yourself to make some changes. You may even write your goals down and have great intentions of achieving them. You can feel that you are on the brink of living a truly awesome life and can taste the sweet smell of success and then what happens? You hit a roadblock and instead of seeing this for what it is, a minor setback which needs a solution, it stops you in your tracks and you retreat into the comfort and often boredom of your everyday life, less determined to step outside of your comfort zone again!

Life was not intended to be lived this way. People who lead amazing lives take risks and are willing to stretch themselves regularly in many aspects of their lives. They are also less likely to be swayed by other people’s opinions, much like the mighty toddler. Many of us feel inspired to live our lives in a certain one or do something which we really enjoy, but stop short of actually doing it for fear of rejection or what others may think or say about us. As the adage goes ‘most people are too busy thinking about themselves to worry about what you’re thinking’. So if you know you are guilty of this, remember it is never too late to become who you might have been.

Unleash the mighty toddler within you and get what you want.