How do you view your real self? Is it in a way that you would not share with others openly or frankly or are there certain parts of you that you would not openly verbalise to anyone? In order to have the life you want you must get honest about the person you are and celebrate being you.
Get clear about what you really want, not what you think you should want or what others want, but what things come back to you again and again and will not be silenced unless you act on them. We all have a sense of what we would like our ideal lives to look like, but all to often this is where it stops and the excuses begin. Take a baby step today to living your ideal life and you will be surprised by how much better you feel just by doing something, rather than talking or thinking about it.
“Often people attempt to live their lives backwards; they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want, so they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want.” Margaret Young
People, things and situations gradually unfold to guide us further along our path once we commit to honouring what we truly want and who we truly are. The well known humanistic psychologist Carl Rogers spoke about our real and ideal selves and said the greater the gap between the two the more suffering we will experience. Therefore it is imperative to be honest with yourself about your limitations and most importantly your potential. If you make disparging remarks about yourself, stop it. Whether it is in the form of self talk or how you describe yourself to others it is very damaging and works by reinforcing those feelings about yourself (that are often untrue). Start today by honouring who you are and start to try and embrace the parts of you which you have trouble liking. Go on, you are worth it.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Courses Lisa is teaching at MWCC
Lisa is teaching three upcoming courses at MWCC and here is a brief outline of the courses on offer:
Be You Own Life Coach - An exciting course which looks at the four essential elements of living a successful life including thought patterns, how we cope, meaning and purpose, health and re-creation. Various psychological techniques will be utilised including cognitive behavioural therapy, mindfulness, coaching, visualisations and meditation.
Why Weight - This course focuses on the psychology of weight loss, as well as practical strategies regarding nutrition and exercise. It is a structured 6 week program which will help you achieve lasting weight loss in a nurturing environment. Optional weigh in’s are done at the commencement and conclusion of the course. In this program the fundamental principles of weight loss will be considered from a psychological perspective How our emotions and thought processes can positively aid us to lose weight and maintain a healthy balanced lifestyle. How to stop self sabotage in its tracks! Various psychological techniques will be utilised including cognitive behavioural therapy, visualisation and meditation.
You Yummy Mummy - A course which takes time out to honour the massive changes involved in becoming a mum and helps you get in touch with your true essence. Includes the use of various psychological techinques including journaling, meditation and challenging negative thought patterns. This workshop will assist you in celebrating being a woman and ensure that you feel like a yummy mummy.
Go to the Manly Warringah Community College website for more information and to sign up:
http://www.mwcc.nsw.edu.au/docs/index.php
Be You Own Life Coach - An exciting course which looks at the four essential elements of living a successful life including thought patterns, how we cope, meaning and purpose, health and re-creation. Various psychological techniques will be utilised including cognitive behavioural therapy, mindfulness, coaching, visualisations and meditation.
Why Weight - This course focuses on the psychology of weight loss, as well as practical strategies regarding nutrition and exercise. It is a structured 6 week program which will help you achieve lasting weight loss in a nurturing environment. Optional weigh in’s are done at the commencement and conclusion of the course. In this program the fundamental principles of weight loss will be considered from a psychological perspective How our emotions and thought processes can positively aid us to lose weight and maintain a healthy balanced lifestyle. How to stop self sabotage in its tracks! Various psychological techniques will be utilised including cognitive behavioural therapy, visualisation and meditation.
You Yummy Mummy - A course which takes time out to honour the massive changes involved in becoming a mum and helps you get in touch with your true essence. Includes the use of various psychological techinques including journaling, meditation and challenging negative thought patterns. This workshop will assist you in celebrating being a woman and ensure that you feel like a yummy mummy.
Go to the Manly Warringah Community College website for more information and to sign up:
http://www.mwcc.nsw.edu.au/docs/index.php
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Successful People Never Confuse Activity with Progress
Often we rush through our day doing lots of different things, but what exactly do we achieve? We are so busy going through the motions as they say, that we allow very little time to effectively plan our day, instead we just keeping doing the same set things and strangely we often expect different results. Regardless of whether you are at work, home, or in social settings, how much time do you actively think about the activity that you are doing? How do you measure if that activity has been a success? To often our mind is on to the next thing before we have even completed the task we are working on.
There has been much talk regarding the virtues of multi-tasking, however if we are not fully attentative to the task at hand we do not produce our best work. Recent research from Harvard University suggests that when people multi-task the standard of their work suffers. Indeed the research concluded that focusing on one task at a time can actually save us time.
Thinking about multi-tasking reminds me of when I was a student I worked in a call centre for a large mobile phone company. I can vividly recall a customer calling me with an enquiry and in the background there was alot of noise. She told me that she was in a queue at her local bank. She also had young children with her and sounded very harassed. I had to ask her a series of questions and she was very curt in her responses. She then told me that she ws trying to do to many things at once, without thinking I replied 'well don't'. On reflection this was a pretty rude thing to say, but to my surprise and relief she actually agreed. She then decided to take a seat in the bank and we finished our call. Now as a busy mum I can relate to this lady's plight, but it also makes me aware of the things that I need to get done in a single day and I plan accorindingly, often around my son's nap time!
Successful people effectively plan their day and don't waste time on tasks that give them little gain. They set goals and then put steps in place to achieve them. They monitor their progress regularly and adjust course when needed. How often do you do this? If you do then good on you, you are no doubt reaping the benefits of your diligience.
However, if you don't it's never to late to start. Try to fully commit to being present in the moment and plan how you will measure your progress in different areas of your life. Then watch how much more you accomplish. List things that need to be completed and then plan the best times to achieve them. Be mindful of your progress and stay on track.
Successful people review their progress regulalary and adjust course if needed.
There has been much talk regarding the virtues of multi-tasking, however if we are not fully attentative to the task at hand we do not produce our best work. Recent research from Harvard University suggests that when people multi-task the standard of their work suffers. Indeed the research concluded that focusing on one task at a time can actually save us time.
Thinking about multi-tasking reminds me of when I was a student I worked in a call centre for a large mobile phone company. I can vividly recall a customer calling me with an enquiry and in the background there was alot of noise. She told me that she was in a queue at her local bank. She also had young children with her and sounded very harassed. I had to ask her a series of questions and she was very curt in her responses. She then told me that she ws trying to do to many things at once, without thinking I replied 'well don't'. On reflection this was a pretty rude thing to say, but to my surprise and relief she actually agreed. She then decided to take a seat in the bank and we finished our call. Now as a busy mum I can relate to this lady's plight, but it also makes me aware of the things that I need to get done in a single day and I plan accorindingly, often around my son's nap time!
Successful people effectively plan their day and don't waste time on tasks that give them little gain. They set goals and then put steps in place to achieve them. They monitor their progress regularly and adjust course when needed. How often do you do this? If you do then good on you, you are no doubt reaping the benefits of your diligience.
However, if you don't it's never to late to start. Try to fully commit to being present in the moment and plan how you will measure your progress in different areas of your life. Then watch how much more you accomplish. List things that need to be completed and then plan the best times to achieve them. Be mindful of your progress and stay on track.
Successful people review their progress regulalary and adjust course if needed.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
It's Good to say NO!
If you are not particularly assertive you may have real trouble verbalising the little word 'no'. The word carries lots of unpleasant associations and can be emotionally loaded. That's why so many of us nice, friendly, people pleaser types struggle with this word, even when we know it needs to be said. In my experience the top ten reasons we may be afraid to say no include:
1. Bring rejected
2. Disappointing others
3. Being judged
4. An awkwardness that may arise
5. Scared of embarrassment
6. Triggering an uncomfortable exchange
7. Fearful
8. Not feel entitled to saying no
9. Feel unworthy
10. Feel selfish
I have experienced all of these feelings at one time or another and as a consequence not stood my ground when people have taken advantage. When you do not have the courage to say no, what you are really saying is the other person is more important and valuable than you. This simply is not so. You deserve to be heard and valued as much as anyone else. It may also be a way of feeling sorry for yourself and allowing you to avoid dealing with personal problems. In counselling psychology boundaries are spoken of often and what has been found is that many people with low self esteem do not set up healthy boundaries with those around them. They allow others to continually take from them, even though they have a niggling feeling that it is not right. Put simply a boundary is a system of limit setting that protects you from being a victim.
If this resonates with you and you know you need to learn to say no, then start today. Increase your awareness of things that you say yes to, when you really mean no. For example, you may be invited to something and on impulse you say yes, but afterwards you realise you don't want to go and you then spend unnecessary time thinking about how you will get out of atending. Successful people do not do this, so why should you. Next time you are invited to something, take your time to think it over rather than just saying yes because you don't want to disappoint the other person.
Once you starting saying no people around you begin to respect you far more than they did previously. As the saying goes if you don't love yourself, how can you expect someone else to. You may also want to pinpoint where your people pleasing behaviour originated. It can be from messages we picked up from our parents, teachers etc or our place of work. However, regardless of where it stems from, it can be changed in a relatively short space of time once you are mindful of it.
1. Bring rejected
2. Disappointing others
3. Being judged
4. An awkwardness that may arise
5. Scared of embarrassment
6. Triggering an uncomfortable exchange
7. Fearful
8. Not feel entitled to saying no
9. Feel unworthy
10. Feel selfish
I have experienced all of these feelings at one time or another and as a consequence not stood my ground when people have taken advantage. When you do not have the courage to say no, what you are really saying is the other person is more important and valuable than you. This simply is not so. You deserve to be heard and valued as much as anyone else. It may also be a way of feeling sorry for yourself and allowing you to avoid dealing with personal problems. In counselling psychology boundaries are spoken of often and what has been found is that many people with low self esteem do not set up healthy boundaries with those around them. They allow others to continually take from them, even though they have a niggling feeling that it is not right. Put simply a boundary is a system of limit setting that protects you from being a victim.
If this resonates with you and you know you need to learn to say no, then start today. Increase your awareness of things that you say yes to, when you really mean no. For example, you may be invited to something and on impulse you say yes, but afterwards you realise you don't want to go and you then spend unnecessary time thinking about how you will get out of atending. Successful people do not do this, so why should you. Next time you are invited to something, take your time to think it over rather than just saying yes because you don't want to disappoint the other person.
Once you starting saying no people around you begin to respect you far more than they did previously. As the saying goes if you don't love yourself, how can you expect someone else to. You may also want to pinpoint where your people pleasing behaviour originated. It can be from messages we picked up from our parents, teachers etc or our place of work. However, regardless of where it stems from, it can be changed in a relatively short space of time once you are mindful of it.
Make a Commitment
Just a quick entry today to share a very powerful quote related to commitment. If you are struggling with commiting to change then read on:
"Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation) there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too.
All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issue from the decision, raising in one's favour all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way.
Whatever you can do or dream, you can begin it. Boldness has genius, magic and power in it.
Begin it now."
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe 1749-1832
Begin your journey now, even if it is just by making a small change you will be surprised at how much better you feel. If you want your own business, you could get some business cards made up or if you need to confront someone then do it now. Regardless of what the steps are, just taking one will start you on the right path. Believe me I know all about hesitancy and self doubt, but once you commit to change wonderful things begin to happen. It can take a long time to see progress, but know that it is taking place and once you make your intentions clear then you can't help, but be guided to the next step. Begin to believe and recognise the magnificent person you are and other people will see it too.
"Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation) there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too.
All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issue from the decision, raising in one's favour all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way.
Whatever you can do or dream, you can begin it. Boldness has genius, magic and power in it.
Begin it now."
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe 1749-1832
Begin your journey now, even if it is just by making a small change you will be surprised at how much better you feel. If you want your own business, you could get some business cards made up or if you need to confront someone then do it now. Regardless of what the steps are, just taking one will start you on the right path. Believe me I know all about hesitancy and self doubt, but once you commit to change wonderful things begin to happen. It can take a long time to see progress, but know that it is taking place and once you make your intentions clear then you can't help, but be guided to the next step. Begin to believe and recognise the magnificent person you are and other people will see it too.
Friday, July 17, 2009
"Thank God It's Monday"
How often have you heard 'Thank God it's Monday' uttered from yours or someone else's lips? I am guessing not to often. However, for those few individuals who are living and following their true purpose they regularly feel that way. The old confucius saying goes something like:
'Do what you love and you will never have to work another day in your life'.
Wise words and the following quote by Bob Dylan sums it up nicely:
"A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and gets to bed at night, and in between he does what he wants to do."
If you are living your true purpose then congratulations, but if you are not and find yourself groaning with that Sunday night feeling loaded with dread of the working week to come then it is time to make some changes. Ask yourself the following questions:
1) If you knew you couldn’t fail, what would you do?
2) What could prevent you from achieving this?
3) What resources do you already have that could help you?
4) Who could assist you?
5) What’s your main concern?
6) How could you overcome this?
7) What would your ideal life include?
8) Who do you know that has already done what you would like to do?
9) What did they do?
10) What could you do in the next week that would take you closer to achieving what you want?
I wish you every success in cultivating that 'Thank God it's Monday' feeling.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
No Time? How Much TV Do You Watch?
You may recall in the '7 Ways Consume Less, Create More' blog entry I discussed turning off the television to get your creativity flowing. We often don’t realize how television eats away at our time. For example let's do the maths:
- If you watch 4 hours of tv a night (say you watch tv between 6pm & 10pm, which arguably many households do)
- Therefore in a week that amounts to 28 hours
- Not including the weekends where many people watch more sports etc or in the cold winter months when we tend to stay inside & tune into the box more
- On average in a month that is 121 hours of tv
- Therefore in a year that amounts to 1,452 hours
- Which equates to a staggering 60 days
- In other words you spend two months of each year watching tv..
Sounds hard to believe, but if you check the figures they are correct. When I discussed this with my partner he found it hard to swallow as he is often attached to the remote control.. Now don't get me wrong there are certain programs that I thoroughly enjoy and I am not suggesting that you ditch the telly completely, but I am hoping that by reading this it makes you aware of what you could achieve if you watched tv less.
Personally I have many plans in the coming year, most importantly to give birth to a healthy baby a the end of October, to work more on my business and establish my writing & speaking career. With a busy toddler in tow it is often tempting when he has finally fallen asleep to retreat to the lounge and mindlessly watch tv for a couple of hours. However, I often find when I do that I end up irritated and actually have trouble sleeping, unless it is 'Secret Millionaire' of course which I think should be compulsory viewing for all aspiring millionaires. I try to limit the amount of tv that I watch and will only watch programs that I can learn from or that I thoroughly enjoy.
Seriously though, next time you hear yourself saying 'I would like to do that, but I don't have the time', think about unlocking some of that valuable time by limiting the amount of tv you watch. The least you can do is press the mute button whilst the adverts are on so you don't expose yourself to promotions for things that you don't actually need. Use the three minute advert breaks to ponder on the things you would do if you did have the time...
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Break Down Your Job to Use Time More Effectively
Breaking down your job in Organisational Psychology is called Job Analysis which involves a trained psychologist describing the observable behaviour of your job, which determines essential duties, tasks and responsibilities. The analysis establishes job specific activities and helps create a precise job description. We have all experienced jobs and you may be in one now where the job description handed to you at the interview stage resembles very little to your actual day to day activities. Normally we end up doing far more than what was described.
In the absence of a trained psychologist observing you, it is a good idea to break down your own job into different components and look closely at the tasks and activities that you spend the most and the least of your time on. It can be quite an eye opener when you become aware of how much time you may spend surfing the net or on one activity that is actually not that important. We often avoid the tasks that are difficult or we like the least. We all do this and it is part of human nature, but just think how much happier you could be for the rest of the day if you get the boring or difficult stuff out of the way. Breaking down your job also provides a means of discovering areas that you may need further training or help on.
If you are not in paid in employment you can analyse how you spend your time at home. For me personally I will do lots of other tasks like updating my blog! writing, general tidying, even polishing before I will hang out the washing! The more honestly aware we become of how we spend our time we begin to use it more effectively.
There is a great little book called 'Eat That Frog' by the leadership guru Brian Tracy about how to limit procrastination, set priorities and get started straight away. He believes that by tackling the most unpleasant job (eating the frog!) first if frees us up for the rest of the day to be far more productive and complete jobs faster.
Go ahead and analysis your own job, you might surprise yourself with just how much you do! If it is far above your job description, it may also be advisable to discuss this with your HR department.
In the absence of a trained psychologist observing you, it is a good idea to break down your own job into different components and look closely at the tasks and activities that you spend the most and the least of your time on. It can be quite an eye opener when you become aware of how much time you may spend surfing the net or on one activity that is actually not that important. We often avoid the tasks that are difficult or we like the least. We all do this and it is part of human nature, but just think how much happier you could be for the rest of the day if you get the boring or difficult stuff out of the way. Breaking down your job also provides a means of discovering areas that you may need further training or help on.
If you are not in paid in employment you can analyse how you spend your time at home. For me personally I will do lots of other tasks like updating my blog! writing, general tidying, even polishing before I will hang out the washing! The more honestly aware we become of how we spend our time we begin to use it more effectively.
There is a great little book called 'Eat That Frog' by the leadership guru Brian Tracy about how to limit procrastination, set priorities and get started straight away. He believes that by tackling the most unpleasant job (eating the frog!) first if frees us up for the rest of the day to be far more productive and complete jobs faster.
Go ahead and analysis your own job, you might surprise yourself with just how much you do! If it is far above your job description, it may also be advisable to discuss this with your HR department.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Happiness is a State of Mind
We rarely ponder what happiness is and if we and our loved one's are actually happy. Do we know when we are at our happiest? Sometimes we may catch ourselves having a good old belly laugh with great company and look around and think why does this not happen more often. We have been conditioned to rush through our busy schedules packed with deadlines and mundane commitments that all to often we do not want to keep. Why is this? Very little time is spent just being in the moment and enjoying the pure joy of life. We chase things in the hope that they will provide us with the coveted prize of happiness, only to find that when we get to our destination, the goalposts have been moved again.
Personally I have experienced this many times. The most striking of which was when I was completing my Masters in Psychology. I love studying and learning about this amazing brain of ours, but I never truly appreciated the joy of studying at that time, as I was constantly longing to finish it. I would talk about all the things that would happen when I completed the course, only to find that nothing actually happened, apart from graduating. It took a long time after that to fully appreciate and integrate what I had learnt and achieved. Although looking back it taught me a valuable lesson about being happy in the moment and now whenever I enrol in a course I commit to enjoying the process, not just the outcome.
I recognise that happiness is actually a state of mind. It is our take on things, our beliefs about a situation. False beliefs as the quote below powerfully demonstrates are the only real cause of unhappiness. Therefore I urge you to ask yourself what makes you happy. You will be surprised to find the answers and feelings that you have associated with happiness.
"There is only one cause of unhappiness: the false beliefs you have in your head, beliefs so widespread, so commonly held, that it never occurs to you to question them."
Anthony de Mello
Personally I have experienced this many times. The most striking of which was when I was completing my Masters in Psychology. I love studying and learning about this amazing brain of ours, but I never truly appreciated the joy of studying at that time, as I was constantly longing to finish it. I would talk about all the things that would happen when I completed the course, only to find that nothing actually happened, apart from graduating. It took a long time after that to fully appreciate and integrate what I had learnt and achieved. Although looking back it taught me a valuable lesson about being happy in the moment and now whenever I enrol in a course I commit to enjoying the process, not just the outcome.
I recognise that happiness is actually a state of mind. It is our take on things, our beliefs about a situation. False beliefs as the quote below powerfully demonstrates are the only real cause of unhappiness. Therefore I urge you to ask yourself what makes you happy. You will be surprised to find the answers and feelings that you have associated with happiness.
"There is only one cause of unhappiness: the false beliefs you have in your head, beliefs so widespread, so commonly held, that it never occurs to you to question them."
Anthony de Mello
If you are interested in reading more about Happiness, Dr Robert Holden has written a fabulous book titled 'Happiness Now' and it is packed with tips and strategies to help you be your happiest!
Have a Happy Day!
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