Would you speak to others the way you speak to yourself?

"Thinking: the talking of the soul within itself." Plato

What do you tell yourself everyday? Is it:

1. kind?
2. true? 
3. helpful?

If it is none of these then become more mindful of the way that you talk to yourself. There is little point in being an enemy with yourself Your mind begins to believe what you tell it, so shower it with love and praise. What resides in you is unique and has great untapped potential.

In my experience working with clients, negative self talk is the number one thing that holds them back. They berate themselves about things that they should or should not have done. Often we paralyse ourselves before we have got off the starting blocks. If you are consumed with self doubt and criticism begin to become aware of the tapes you play over and over in your mind and use the three questions above to determine whether they are useful or not. If they no longer serves you then replace them with positive statements. This takes time, but as they say practice makes perfect.

Unleash The Mighty Toddler Within

We are born with an ability to get all of our needs met, be it a clean nappy, milk, cuddles, comfort, attention etc. As newborns when we became aware of our empty tummy we would wail excessively, prompting our caregiver into action. This is because our survival depended on it. Then as we became toddlers we have a supreme sense of self worth which allows us to engage with the world expecting to get our needs fulfilled. At this age we more often than not get exactly what we desire. To see this in action, watch a toddler decide that they want a certain toy. Very little will prevent them from getting it!

We can learn a lot from the behaviour of children and how we can incorporate some of their determination and focus into our own lives.

You know the drill, you decide that you are sick and tired of the way things have been and make a pact with yourself to make some changes. You may even write your goals down and have great intentions of achieving them. You can feel that you are on the brink of living a truly awesome life and can taste the sweet smell of success and then what happens? You hit a roadblock and instead of seeing this for what it is, a minor setback which needs a solution, it stops you in your tracks and you retreat into the comfort and often boredom of your everyday life, less determined to step outside of your comfort zone again!

Life was not intended to be lived this way. People who lead amazing lives take risks and are willing to stretch themselves regularly in many aspects of their lives. They are also less likely to be swayed by other people’s opinions, much like the mighty toddler. Many of us feel inspired to live our lives in a certain one or do something which we really enjoy, but stop short of actually doing it for fear of rejection or what others may think or say about us. As the adage goes ‘most people are too busy thinking about themselves to worry about what you’re thinking’. So if you know you are guilty of this, remember it is never too late to become who you might have been.

Unleash the mighty toddler within you and get what you want.

A Quick Read About Feeling & Being Happier

10 Steps Toward Feeling Happier


An interesting article by psychotherapist Linda Laffey

1. Make the decision to be happy

Life will continue to challenge all of us with its bumps in the road some big, some small. It is your attitude and how you choose to negotiate those bumps that determine how you feel. Adopting an attitude of appreciation for everything you have, and recognizing that you always have a choice about how to respond to external circumstances can contribute significantly to feeling happier.

2. Cultivate a sense of connection

Examine the relationships in your life? at home, at work, and socially. Do you feel connected to the people in your life in a healthy and satisfying way? Do you feel connected to yourself? Through reading, taking a class, meditation, spiritual exploration, therapy, and communicating with others, you can deepen your sense of connection and well-being.


3. Focus on forgiveness of yourself and others
This can be very challenging at times; especially when you feel someone has done something that seems unforgivable. The forgiveness, however, is for you, not for them. It frees your mental and emotional energy to blissfully go forward in your life. There is a saying: 'Holding onto resentment is like letting someone else live rent-free in your head.'

4. Set short-term and long-term goals for making your dreams a reality

Goal-setting gives you something to look forward to, something to work toward, and creates structure in your day-to-day life. As each step along the way is completed, you experience a sense of pride and accomplishment.


5. Find fulfilling work
Having an occupation that you enjoy and has meaning for you gives you a sense of purpose and can be deeply satisfying. If the work you are currently involved in falls short of this criteria, you may want to look at the possibilities for making a change at some point. If changing jobs is not practical, perhaps you could find a volunteer position or hobby that would meet the same criteria.


6. Take care of yourself physically, mentally, and spiritually
The health of your body enormously impacts happiness. Proper nutrition, regular sleep, and daily exercise that you find enjoyable are essential. Stress reduction through conscious schedule planning, breathing exercises, and meditation can make a tremendous difference. If you already have a spiritual practice or affiliation, seek to deepen it. If you don?t have one, you may want to explore those that interest you to find one that fits for you. Remembering your spirit, feeding, nurturing, and satisfying your soul can greatly increase your feeling of happiness.

7. Be honest with yourself and others
Congruence is the agreement between who you are, what you think and say you want, and your actions. As you become more connected with yourself, your goals, and your self-care improves, chances are you will find it increasingly easier to be genuine and authentic with others. When you really know who you are, what you want, and you are being true to yourself with actions that match, your happiness quotient will go up dramatically.


8. Be open to learning, growing and creating.

Continually expanding your mind through learning can increase your sense of self-confidence. Minds are kept young and sharp by continual use, and mentally active people live longer. Learning is as important to your brain as exercise is to your body. The more you learn, the more aspects of life you can be aware of, appreciate, and enjoy.

9. Manage your money wisely

If you are not already doing so, you can improve your money management by disciplining yourself to save money, keeping expenses low, evaluating your budget regularly, and using extra caution to consider expenses involved prior to starting a family, buying a home or making other large purchases. The old saying, ‘Money can’t buy happiness’ is not entirely true. We need money to pay for food, housing, transportation, and all other necessities for survival and comfort. Financial security is defined as the point at which a person has enough savings or regular income to support a comfortable lifestyle. ‘Comfortable’ means different things to different people. There are two ways to experience being rich: To have great wealth or to be content with what you already have. Once the basics of survival and reasonable comfort have been satisfied, your attitude regarding money becomes much more important than the size of your financial portfolio. Those who know how to use money well in the promotion of happiness are way ahead of those who think they need more.


10. Step out of your comfort zone in the pursuit of pleasure
Most of us tend to become creatures of habit. We eat the foods we like over and over, watch the same television shows week after week, frequent the same restaurants and theatres, and even choose the same vacation spots each year. What we once loved becomes comfortable, familiar, and eventually boring. If you feel stuck in a rut, make a conscious effort to add variety to your life. Try a new restaurant, plan a new and adventurous vacation, visit a museum you’ve never been to, or sign up for that dance class you’ve been thinking about taking. The possibilities are endless, and so are the rewards.

Addicted Too...

Regardless of whether you are addicted to shopping, drugs, food, drink, porn, technology, exercise, gambling or caffeine the symptoms tend to be pretty much the same.

A good way to measure the severity of your addiction or habit is to think about how you would feel if you could not have or do the particular activity. Does the thought of this freak you out? If so, this is a sign that you are dependent on your vice more than maybe you should be. The above examples are all things which are freely available in our world and we have access to. You may partake in some or all of these activities regularly, but feel that you could do without them. However, over time we may need to do more of a certain thing to get the same high.

Next time you reach for your fix, pause and assess what is happening at that exact moment. Has a disgruntled customer infuriated you? Your spouse irritated you? The traffic ground to a halt? Someone insulted you? You're bored, lonely, afraid, stressed? Whatever it is, let the feelings associated with that situation come up. Now think about alternatives to reaching for your fix. Be honest you know that your fix will not fix the situation, just numb it for a while.

Have the courage and conviction to admit your addiction and then begin to make small changes to overcome it. Seek help from a trained professional.

People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within.  R. Anderson

Banishing the Blues Using Exercise

A recent large scale Gallup survey found that participants who report not having exercised at all in the past week are almost twice as likely to report having been diagnosed with depression as those who report having exercised five to six days.

In the past decade, researchers have conducted studies that follow depressed people over time. Such studies indicate that exercise can ease feelings of depression and improve mood.

Therefore if you are feeling blue, often the last thing you feel like doing is exercising, but trust me your mind will thank you for it. Just a walk around the block, a gentle swim or a yoga class will help banish negative thoughts and release much needed endorphins (the feel good chemical). Exercising also helps you focus on something else for a while. The health benefits of exercise have been well documented, but now we know that exercise has many psychological and emotional benefits too. As the Mayo Clinic (http://www.mayoclinic.com/) reported it can help you:

Gain confidence
Meeting exercise goals or challenges, even small ones, can boost your self-confidence. Getting in shape can also make you feel better about your appearance.
Take your mind off worries
Exercise is a distraction that can get you away from the cycle of negative thoughts that feed anxiety and depression.
Get more social interaction
Exercise may give you the chance to meet or socialize with others. Just exchanging a friendly smile or greeting as you walk around your neighborhood can help your mood.
Cope in a healthy way
Doing something positive to manage anxiety or depression is a healthy coping strategy. Trying to feel better by drinking alcohol, dwelling on how badly you feel, or hoping anxiety or depression will go away on their own can lead to worsening symptoms.

How do I get started — and stay motivated?

Starting and sticking with an exercise routine can be a challenge. Here are some steps that can help. Check with your doctor before starting a new exercise program to make sure it's safe for you.

Identify what you enjoy doing. Figure out what type of physical activities you're most likely to do, and think about when and how you'd be most likely to follow through. For instance, would you be more likely to do some gardening in the evening or go for a walk early morning? Go for a bike ride or play football with your children after school? Do what you enjoy and not what you think you should do.

Set reasonable goals. Your mission doesn't have to be walking for an hour five days a week. Think realistically about what you may be able to do. Tailor your plan to your own needs and abilities rather than trying to meet unrealistic guidelines.

Don't think of exercise as a chore. If exercise is just another "should" in your life that you don't think you're living up to, you'll associate it with failure. Rather, look at exercise as a gift to yourself.

Address your barriers. Figure out what's stopping you from exercising. If you feel self-conscious, for instance, you may want to exercise at home. If you stick to goals better with a partner, find a friend to work out with. If you think about what's stopping you from exercising, you can probably find an alternative solution.

Prepare for setbacks and obstacles. Give yourself credit for every step in the right direction, no matter how small. Go for it.

Why Work & Wellbeing are Related

Most of us equate wellbeing with wealth and health, but that's not the whole story, according to Gallup's comprehensive study of people in more than 150 countries which revealed five universal, interconnected elements that shape our lives .

Extract taken from interview with Rath and Harter, Gallup Management Journal http://gmj.gallup.com/content/127643/Wellbeing-Need-Thrive.aspx

For more than 50 years, Gallup scientists have been exploring the demands of a life well-lived. More recently, in partnership with leading economists, psychologists, and other acclaimed scientists, Gallup has uncovered the common elements of wellbeing that transcend countries and cultures. This research revealed the universal elements of wellbeing that differentiate a thriving life from one spent suffering. They represent five broad categories that are essential to most people:

Career Wellbeing
How you occupy your time or simply liking what you do every day
Social Wellbeing
Having strong relationships and love in your life
Financial Wellbeing
Effectively managing your economic life
Physical Wellbeing
Having good health and enough energy to get things done on a daily basis
Community Wellbeing
The sense of engagement you have with the area where you live
 
Career Wellbeing is probably the most underestimated of the elements. When you ask people what affects their wellbeing most, they think of health and wealth. Even though people spend more of their waking hours at work than anywhere else, people underestimate how work influences their overall wellbeing and daily experience.

All the aspects overlap. But when we were studying Career Wellbeing around the world, we quickly found that this element is much broader than the traditional workplace. It's more about interest and purpose and whether people have a chance to use their strengths regularly. Along with studying people with traditional careers, we studied students, stay-at-home parents, retirees, volunteers, and people without a regular nine-to-five job. In any of these life situations, there are many people with thriving Career Wellbeing, and there are also many who are struggling.

When people think about work in general, they often think of it as a burden or something they have to do for money. Regardless of how much we've studied and talked about engagement and its importance - and quality of the workplace and its importance - most people think of work as a chore, not something that benefits their wellbeing.

Work is crucial to how we relate to people and evaluate our lives at a very basic level, so ensure you are happy at work and if not make changes to improve your Career Wellbeing. Our wellbeing is related to each of the five elements and underlying these there is often a deep spiritual connection or intuition which drives all these elements to fuse together.

Lightbulb Moments

We all have experienced lightbulb moments where things just fall into place or we see things with a new insight which we never had before. Often we chase after these moments particulalry when we feel that the missing piece is just out of reach. We may go to a health retreat, a church, take a vacation, see a therapist, read, journal, but more often than not:

“You do not need to leave your room. Remain sitting at your table and listen. Do not even listen, simply wait. Do not even wait, be quite still and solitary. The world will freely offer itself to you to be unmasked. It has no choice. It will roll in ecstasy at your feet.”Franz Kafka

Give it a go today and see what happens, even just for two minutes. Let go and let the lightbulb shine itself on you. We all having an inner knowing which if given the chance to be uncovered will support us deeply.