M&M's.. Motive, Method & Maintenance

Motive

Take a moment to think about what truly motivates you? What spurs you into action? What things are you truly passionate about? What gives you the most joy? What motivates you is personal and it is imperative not to go along with other peoples interests when you know it is not your true passion. We may do this at work or with family members. We pretend that we want something in order not to disappoint others. However, this always ends in disappointment as we cannot sustain the level of enthusiasm or commitment needed to fulfil the goal. Get really clear about what it is you want; be it in your personal, spiritual or professional life and then set about taking small steps in that direction.

Method

When you are thinking about the steps you are going to take, brainstorm the method you will put in place to achieve these goals. For example it is all well and good saying you are going to lose 10 kilos by Christmas, but how are you going to actually do this? It could be to plan and prepare meals at home and walk to the shops instead of hopping in the car. Regardless of what it is unless you have a method in place which you are disciplined in enforcing, you will fall short in achieving your goals. How many of us have great ideas and plans, but do little to help them become a reality? If you are guilty of this, then start to think about ways to change things.


Maintenance

Okay, so you are clear about what motivates you and how you are going to achieve your goals, but what happens once you do? It is all to easy to congratulate ourselves and then to fall back into old habits. Therefore when setting goals, think about what maintaining them will look like. What balance do you need to strike that stretches you, but is manageable? and ultimately it has to bring you joy. If something is a chore or you don't enjoy it, you will not be able to maintain it and why should you?, as surely part of our purpose is to find out what we love doing and then go right out and find ways to do more of it.

So next time you are setting a goal, think about the 3 M's and I wish you every success in living an abundant life.

What Makes You Feel Great?

"Don't ask what the world needs - ask what makes you come alive and go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive." Reverend Howard Thurman

The quote above beautifully demonstrates how what you are really passionate about and love doing is what the world wants. Strange occurrences and synchronicities begin to fall into alignment when you are living the life you were meant to lead.

Look back at periods in your life when you felt really great and fulfilled:
What were you doing?
Was it a special project?
With a certain person?
In a different country?
In a past job?

No matter what the circumstances were, you can replicate that sense of purpose and fulfilment again. When I think back on the times when I was most content it was actually when I was fundraising. Not only was I fulfilled, I was also highly productive. Things which I needed would show up in unusual ways. People would come forward and offer assistance, often for free.
An example of this was when I decided to train for the New York marathon for a charity which helps children suffering from leukaemia. I organised a charity ball and strangers offered assistance with things such as decorating the venue, entertainment on the night etc. This clearly demonstrated to me that when you are in alignment people pick up on that and want to help.

So think about when you are happiest and fulfilled. It may be a hobby which you love, but don’t think you could make money doing it as a job. Or it might be a job you had a few years which you really loved. Look to other people who have done what you aspire to do and find out their story.
Start doing more of what makes you feel great and you will begin to feel even greater! Reduce or eliminate the things which make you feel bad and unmotivated. You might need to:

· improve your diet
· exercise more
· talk to negative people less, (see my entry on energy zappers for more info on this)
· sleep more
· stress less

Take baby steps on your road to feeling great, but above all be true to your real self.

Do you make things harder than they need to be?

Over 700 years ago, William from a village called Ockham surmised that

"Entities must not be multiplied beyond necessity."

This has become known as “Ockham’s Razor”

This simple idea has become a universal tool for proving things in science, philosophy, psychology and theology. The idea is that the process with the least amount of steps tends to be the one that will have the best outcome.

Or as Albert Einstein said:

"Everything should be made as simple as possible - but no simpler."

Therefore we should not overcomplicate things. We often do this when we are trying to avoid taking action, be it forever planning a project, or what we are going to do in the future or researching a paper, but spending little time actually writing it! This is often due to fear or lack of belief in our abilities which can lead us to procrastinate far longer than necessary. Successful people bite the bullet and deal with things in a methodical manner, so why don’t you?

Complicating facets of our lives also helps shift responsibility away from us, as we try to blame other factors for our lack of action. If this rings true for you, try to become aware of when you are making things more difficult than they ought to be and gently question why you may be doing this. You may be surprised by the answers. Sometimes it can be because we don’t want to actually do the thing in the first place. If this is the case look at alternatives or if it must be done, try to do it thoroughly and quickly, but without over analysing. As the saying goes “analysis is paralysis”. Don’t get stuck at this stage, take some tentative steps towards your goal and I promise you, you will reap the rewards.

What you should know about advertising & your self worth

In our fast paced, workaholic, consumer obsessed society now more than ever we are feeling immense pressure to look good, be slim, own the latest beauty products and the hippest bag all in an attempt to keep up with the Jones’ or should I say the Hiltons’. Australia, the UK and America are three of the richest countries in the world, but recent reports suggest that we feel far more deprived than our predecessors. The reason for this in part is due to our insatiable appetite for all things celebrity. We are bombarded with trivial information about the lives of the rich and famous. We often aspire to have the things that our favourite celeb has, whether it be a Gucci handbag or the latest pair of Jimmy Shoes.

Advertisers are fully aware of the power of celebrity endorsements and use them to sell everything from slimming aids to hair dye. L’oreal is a truly multinational company and boosts ownership of the Body Shop and luxury brands such as Ralph Lauren and Giorgo Armani beauty products. Their infamous slogan ‘because your worth it’ was reportedly developed to justify the higher costs of their products compared to other leading brands. The slogan has proved hugely successfully and creates the illusion that you deserve to treat yourself to L’oreal products, partly due to the celebrity endorsements. This links into our feelings of self worth and esteem and thus we feel that if we purchase the products by L’oreal we are in some way worthier than if purchased another brand. Take for instance the latest advert for the new L’oreal eye roller. The advert says one is sold every eight seconds and asks do you have yours yet. This has the intention of making the viewer feel like they are missing out on something. Very clever marketing that works.

Become aware of how advertising affects you and more importantly your feelings of self worth. There has been an increase in the number of psychologists now working in the field of consumer psychology to describe, predict and influence our buying decisions. As we are being bombarded with more and more choices, advertisers are finding new ways to play on our emotions and encourage that all important purchase.

At the same time as a rise in psychologists working in consumer psychologists, psychologists have seen a dramatic increase in the last ten years of clients who are addicted to shopping and cosmetic surgery. Clients are using these quick fixes to make themselves feel better, only to find that it is never enough. They need to make changes within in order to feel worthy without the latest bag or beauty fad.

If you know that you are influenced by celebrities to purchase the latest slimming aid or designer pair of shoes, gently probe a little more detail to discover why you feel this way. Are there parts of you that does not feel worthy or content with who you are? Why not ditch the beauty magazines with airbrushed celebrities and mute the adverts on TV and read something uplifting and inspirational instead. Remember you are a magnificent unique individual and you are worth it!

The Hidden Reasons We Use Our Mobiles

Who’s really in Control? - Using and Abusing Technology

The hidden reasons we use our mobiles

Having just returned from a week’s stay at a health retreat where mobile phones were banned and computers were confined to your rooms, I became profoundly aware of the influence technology plays in one’s everyday life. I decided to leave my mobile at home, as I knew I would have difficulty resisting the temptation to use it.

Initially I found myself feeling the urge to send a text or check my phone, but this urge soon passed and what eventuated was a wonderful experience where I met interesting new people and enjoyed the art of conversation, without being interrupted by a mobile. This enabled the guests to be fully focused and present and the conversations were often candid and in-depth. I noticed that people were more open than maybe they would have been had they had their mobiles with them.

The time whizzed by and upon my return from a blissful week free of mobile phones, I was greeted by a neighbour who I have not seen for some time. We were deep in conversation when her mobile sounded. She immediately rummaged through her bag, retrieved the phone, answered it and gently bid me goodbye. This brought it home to me how as a society we are often ruled by our mobiles and more importantly our acceptance of the intrusion which they cause. We would never dream of bidding someone abruptly goodbye because we saw someone else we knew, but somehow we accept it without question when the phone rings.

I invite you to think about how you use your mobile phone on a daily basis. Also think about the time you spend idling texting or gossiping, when perhaps it could be better spent doing something else. Now don’t get me wrong, I am all for staying connected and strongly believe as a coach that social support is a fundamental aspect of our wellbeing, but just be aware of why you are using your mobile. Reflect on when you are most likely to use or overuse your mobile; is it when you are bored, stressed, frustrated, avoiding something or feeling low?

Next time you reach for your mobile, probe a little more deeply about your reasons for texting, talking to someone or playing a game. You may be surprised by the answers. If you find you use your mobile for far more than just communicating and it is maybe an avoidance mechanism, gently think of other things that may help you feel better about yourself. Do you phone others to bolster you when you feel a little down or want answers about yourself to comfort you? Calling people for reassurance occasionally is fine, but doing it on a all the time is most likely a sign that you need to trust yourself more.

Tips to De-Stress

Here are my top ten tips for de-stress. The first five are related to physical wellbeing and the five underneath are related to psychological wellbeing. Will do an entry on each one in the coming weeks. Hope you like the illustrations!